Action Comics #289 June 1962

Supergirl wants to get Superman married off before he becomes a super-male old maid. Watch Supergirl wreck havoc across space and time to hook Superman up!

Supergirl’s first choice for Superman’s mate is Helen of Troy. It didn’t occur to her that taking Helen from her time so that she could marry Superman might have consequences on the time line. Hey, a little time line fiasco is acceptable as long as Superman finds someone to clean the Fortress of Solitude.

Supergirl then tries to hook him up with one of the adult Legionnaires. Unfortunately she doesn’t do any research and she chooses one of the married women. As you can well imagine Lightning Man isn’t very happy that Superman is super-kissing his wife (not that Imra is fighting him off…). For those keeping tabs that’s two failed attempts out of two total.

The third candidate for a super-wife (and I feel dirty writing this) is herself. Superman then cranks up the creepy dial by admitting (in a runabout way) that he would be OK with marrying her if not for those pesky laws against marrying your first cousin. The fact that Supergirl is underage is not mentioned, maybe she’s ‘legal’ on Krypton. I can’t really blame Superman, Supergirl’s hot. See, I can say that because she not my cousin.

Supergirl decides that if Superman can’t marry her she’ll have to find someone that closely resembles herself (that’s an eleven on the creepy scale) for Superman to marry. On the planet Staryl Supergirl finds Luma Lynai (AKA Superwoman) who is just like a slightly older and less incestuous version of herself. Superman falls quickly in love with her, which makes perfect sense since she totally resembles his cousin. Alas, Luma cannot leave her planet, she cannot live under the rays of a yellow sun. “Oh well,” Superman says, “we’ll always have Staryl City” and the Kryptonian cousins fly off back to Earth. And that’s the end to the Great Superman Wife Experiment.

On my Legion Jerk © scale this issue gets a:

eight for incest

Suspicious Lois is suspicious:

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